We were all up early. My first thought: Was yesterday a nightmare? Praying it wasnât, I realized it was. Yesterday happened. Now we had to carry on yet another day. How are we supposed to do that?
Since we didnât make it to the wake, we went to a funeral for the father of friends of ours. Madeline was going to spend time at my in-laws while we attended the funeral. I never met the man who passed. I sat in the funeral with tears streaming down my face. Part of me felt guilty since I really didnât know the deceased. But crying is what I needed. I figured he would understand.
We didnât think of these things until we were in the situation. It is obvious I am pregnant. Do we discuss this fact with people who didnât realize we were expecting baby number 2? Do we pretend things are fine since we donât know exactly what is causing all of our babyâs complications? How in the world am I supposed to actually say the words to people without crying? There are many people out there who are uncomfortable when others cry. I donât want to make them feel uncomfortable. Shoot, I donât like crying in front of others either. So many things to consider⦠This is our life now.
I was anxious to get back to Madeline after the funeral. We went home and spent the day together. Wayne stayed home from work the rest of the day. We needed to be together. And we took this first full day off from making a decision about next steps.
Sometime that afternoon our OB called us. She had received the results of our ultrasound. She was devastated for us. It was very kind of her to reach out. She answered some of our questions, but she is not a high risk OB. She shared she was happy to continue to be our doctor, however, she has never worked with a pregnancy like ours. So she also gave us an out if we wanted to move to Lauraâs care. Another decision to make. They were becoming overwhelming. Is this the beginning of many more decisions to come?
The rest of the day seemed like a blur. We went through the motions but our main concern was keeping things as normal as possible for Madeline. Madeline loved having her mama and dada home.
Eventually, it was time to go to sleep again. We were tired and yet not tired. How are we to sleep when our precious baby is so sick?
Somehow we managed to get a few hours. When we woke up, Wayne and I were talking. We decided we needed to be together another day and we had a decision to make. When we got up, we talked about how we were going to keep ourselves busy for another day. Wayne asked, âDo you want to find another funeral today?â I laughed. I laughed hard. Of course, Wayne made me laugh. It made me feel good. It made me feel normal⦠for a moment.
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